I want to address the children inside of us. That part of our wounded soul, the part responsible for how we act in certain situations. I do not refer to favorable reactions, but negative ones. I want to overcome the cruel physical and psychological blows we received as children, which we have brought with us even now. No matter how old we are, we have children who are hurting. I'm here to help you love and care for the child. The hurt child in you doesn't need to be hurt forever. He can feel the love and acceptance he so desperately needs.
Many of us have automated responses to a variety of damaging issues. They harm others and even harm ourselves. Although many times, we are taught to change our behavior and control this reaction, we still have that feeling. We bring in anger and injuries, many times unknowingly. You see, we bring in our invisible tones when our inner child is poor and neglected. We didn't realize they were there, as we are used to them. They are invisible. Therefore, we have certain automatic reactions to the various stimuli we encounter during our course of life. It is an invisible stain that colors our lives, our decisions, and our reactions. However, all is not lost. We can realize what we have and we can work with it. We do not have to live our lives because these stains leave harmful places in our lives. They will always be there, but we can recognize them and pour out their healing whiteness. Some of us can completely extinguish, some of us can only lighten. Some are affecting us, they are always there and will not go. However, just by knowing why we respond in a certain way, we can learn and change our reactions, thus creating a better life.
You see, we're not kids anymore. We are adults and we really have control over our lives. Let the adult inside you take responsibility for the child inside you and take care of the adult for the child.
Let me spoil these blemishes we bring. Let us have a brief look at why we respond the way we do. Why we attack, why we cry, why we are so insecure. The reason is so delicate that one can go for a lifetime without realizing that he or she is a deeply hurt child. He was an inward child who was never truly loved and accepted.
I'll list the eight most important factors for our worthless feelings. These are the eight main Invisible Stains.
1. You are an illegitimate child: This person has lost a punch in society today, in America too, but still. Well for us parents though, when we were children born to unmarried parents we were underestimated and even humiliated. This is the most painful stain for a person to live with. And there are people out there now walking with this stain. Oh, you might be talking about it now, you've been living the path and things seem easier now. However, this may be the stain you carry with you. Watch your reaction to the situation. How do you feel about yourself? How's your pride?
One who carries this most painful stain must realize that no matter what society thinks, they are less valuable than others. Public places label us. You are either worthwhile or worthless. NOBODY IS WORTHLESS. We are all in this world to learn, grow, and enrich ourselves. Even though our world has changed where this is no longer a stigma, you will be surprised at how many people there still make you feel as though you are not worthy. Hold your head and live your life. Know who you are and what you have and learn how to remove this dirt. It cannot be done overnight, but it can be learned and practiced. Eventually, you will break free from one of your chains. Who cares what others think? Not just on this subject, but on another.
2. Dad and Mom Don't Like Me: It's also possible that Dad and Mom don't know how to show love. Same thing. A child needs a lot of love, hugs, positive affirmations from the moment they are born. They need to be guided carefully and lovingly as they grow. We parents know that it's impossible for us to love every moment, because we are human and we have our own stains that can't be addressed, but we must work on our own stains doing the best we can, as we do our best. to make sure our children don't get this stain in their own lives. A child who lives without the love of parents is lonely and isolated. Basically, the kid was told, you don't deserve to love me. The child develops a sense of worthlessness. This is where many of our children have problems with drug addiction, bad relationships, many join religious cult, because they need to be loved. Drugs will make you feel better about yourself. They may be empowering you for a while. Bad relationships, gangs, religious cults, all of which give a sense of acceptance and love. This is why we lose so many of our children to these destructive roads. You may have dropped one of these routes. We are born with the need to be loved and accepted. If we don't accept this from someone, somewhere, we feel unworthy and unwanted. Learning to love and appreciate yourself is a learning process, but as you begin to learn and apply it, you will see how you will grow up and out. If this is you, it is possible for you to live a happy and balanced life. It takes time.
3. Friends Make My Happiness: For a kid who is fun, selective, and thus devastated can ruin them for life. This is another very important stain that cannot be seen. Remember, our main need is to be loved and accepted. Everyone on this planet needs this and struggles with it, not just you. Once we realize this, we have a small portion of this stain. As a mother, I fought and hurt my daughter. One of the greatest things in life is watching your child suffer. My daughter, for some reason or another, is the child of all people. She hates school. She cries every day. Sometimes the other kids were so cruel to him that they would hit him. During my first high school days I was in the main office almost every day trying to solve this problem. Unfortunately, this is not a problem parents can solve for children. This is one of the lessons for children to learn. You can guide them, give them support, all your love and hold them in tears with their small hearts. Also, there is little you can do. In today's world, bullying is even worse and if this happens today, I believe I will get an education at home because I fear for safety. How does this affect my daughter in her adult life? Well, he is a very strong individual and no one will hurt him or his children. He has an unimaginable temper. In fact, it can be abusive many times. And he's an alcoholic. His father also helped him become like this, because he was also an alcoholic and verbal abuser. So he has two attacks against him. Drinking and abuse are learned behaviors and, at the same time, ways to stop pain and feel strength and strength. With alcohol, this sense of well-being is temporary and will affect you even more.
4. I'm Not Satisfied: This is a key belief that a person holds for his or her experience in life. The examples above can give you this confidence, along with many others. Yes, by working hard and loving yourself, this can be overcome.
5. I Wake Up Poor and Never Have It: It can be very difficult for a kid to see other kids get everything they want. Kids are cruel. Many times this can be thrown on their faces. They may be loved, they may not be loved and accepted. You will find that all these blemishes deal with the basic roots of love and acceptance, something that every human needs for their emotional well-being.
6. I'm Stoked: This is a huge stain. If you abuse your child, physically, verbally, or both, the child will grow up. Kids will be very, very scared, or very, very angry. Sometimes it's a combination of both. Again, love and acceptance are gone. Feeling ineligible will take over. It will act in life in many ways. I was verbally and physically abused. My reaction was fear. Fear everything. Although I am a parent, I bring this invisible stain, and no matter how you try to love and care for your child, you cannot be effective on your own, living in fear. I got panic attacks and became agoraphobic. I have two articles that I would love for you to read that deal with abusive childhood. They're at thecorner4women.com. Please go to Luella's Corner and read, My Lost Years and Goodbye Forever. This has been my struggle. I'm 55 now. Although, it's very young I would say. In my heart, I am a child and will never grow up, never. I love life and will never stop. And when my time for my appointed transition came, I prayed that I would always love life and never lose the essence of who I am today. I really don't like to start. Yes, heaven, life after that. That's a completely different subject that I'll deal with at different times.
7. I Am Ugly and Fat: No matter what it looks like you are the most capable and beautiful person. You can see every single person on this planet and see the beauty of them. Yes, it's the beauty that makes them the most attractive. We all have this beauty. If we don't know what it is, we must find it. Just who we are, that's our beauty. Remember people, our outward beauty means nothing. It's who we are in it. One day we will all be old and lose that beauty. If this depends on you, you will be in trouble. Remember that song, Beauty is only in the skin, yes, yes, yes. That's right. Love yourself for who you are. Even with all my faults, I love myself and accept myself, and I love you and accept you. If this is a stain acquired in childhood, yes, it is something to do. But you can break it.
8. I've failed: We've all failed. I failed many times a day in many cases. And later in life, I failed miserably. You alone, pick yourself up, get rid of yourself and start over. You're not the only one who failed. We all failed. You are not the only one who feels alone and unwanted. We all do. It's our human nature.
All of these stains can be significantly dried. As you will read in the article Goodbye Forever Forever, at Luella's Corner, I still have a very light place that I carry with me but I can work and I can love and now I know I am loved. I have someone who loves me so much and I love her with the same depth. My Bus kids love me and I love them. My teens love me and I like them. Elyse and Cassie, I love them. Mostly Elyse, she is my special angel. And one day I'll be proud that he succeeded in life and I will cry for joy.
These invisible stains only require certain treatments to be cleansed from your life. It's not easy to do. This is hard work, sometimes it takes years. But don't give up. Go ahead. Many give up. Don't give up. Life is too beautiful and exciting.
One thing I missed. You're in control of your life now. Others don't. You are not a child and no one has power over you. Find positive people to roam around. They will influence you and the way they will be yours. To be emotionally healthy you need to take care of yourself and do what is needed. Although it requires taking medication and seeing someone talking to it. Whatever it takes. Health is physical and emotional together.
© Luella May 2006
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